When my father died in 1989, I blamed myself for a long time for his death. The reason being that the night he passed I asked God to take him because he had been suffering for so long. The morning my mom woke my sister, brother and I up at 6:00 in the morning the slow walk up the stairs looking for confirmation of what I already knew. Once she confirmed that he had passed, from that moment on I rested the blame of his death on my shoulders.
The Truth: My father was sick and the sickness he had, had no earthly cure. The only cure for his sickness at that time was death. He was going to be cured at some point, I just did not know when. The night I prayed was the night he became cured, but I associated this event with blame and fault therefore carried the blame and fault. I have since focused on the reality that my father was just sick, and that I had no control over whether he lived or died and know that I was not at fault or to be blamed realeasing that weight from my shoulders.
The Conclusion: If this is how you felt at some point in your life, the best thing to do is find the truth, learn the lesson and let it go. This way you do not continue to carrying the bad emotion of that moment with you longer than necassary.
wow Mel, my Bishop touched on this very thing today. He asked had there been any moment in your life where you prayed for someone to die then had a heavy heart and blamed yourself. I did this very thing myself. I whispered to my sister in the hospital "go, we'll take care of your kids". Only I didn't blame myself. I knew it was what needed to happen. I cried oh don't get me wrong. But I knew she needed to leave me....leave us to be healed. She's at peace and so is your dad.
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